


bees?

by Duck_Life



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Annoying Your Friends as a Love Language, Books: Supernatural Series - Carver Edlund, Family, Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29934933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duck_Life/pseuds/Duck_Life
Summary: Patience bonds with her sisters over family breakfasts and late night games of Cards Against Humanity.
Relationships: Alex Jones & Kaia Nieves & Claire Novak & Patience Turner
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	bees?

Alex watches as Claire passes the white cards around the table. “We’re really playing Cards Against Humanity?” she sighs, fidgeting with the scrunchie on her wrist. “We’re not in high school.” 

“No, we’re not,” Claire agrees, leaning across the table to slide Alex’s cards toward her. “But this is one of the only games we own that doesn’t use dice. Which means Patience won’t know who’s gonna win before we start.” 

“These are the things you don’t consider when you first find out you’re a psychic,” Patience tells Kaia, rolling her eyes. “It also makes ‘Wheel of Fortune’ boring.” 

Claire finishes passing out the cards and sinks back into her seat, scooched extra-close to Kaia. “Alright, Sybil, you’re the first judge.” 

Patience flips over a black card. “The class trip was completely ruined by: blank.” 

Alex wrinkles her nose at one of her cards while Kaia bursts into giggles. Once everyone’s put down a white card, Patience shuffles them without looking and spreads them out on the table in front of her.

“Alright,” she says. “The class trip was completely ruined by…” She flips the first white card. “Tentacle porn…” She flips the second card. “Getting drunk and vomiting on a— child? Oh my God. Or…” She flips the last card and smacks her hand over her mouth. “SCREW you.”

“What does it say?” Kaia says, peering across the table. 

Patience holds the card up: Kissing Grandma on the forehead and turning off her life support. 

Alex looks pissed off on Patience’s behalf, but Patience is too busy laughing her ass off to genuinely look offended. “See,” Claire says, “it’s funny because—”

“Because my grandma’s dead.”

“Because your grandma’s dead!”

“Screw you,” Patience says, sliding the black card over to Claire to indicate she’s won the round. “Give me that box. I need to find a card that says ‘My dad’s possessed by a gay angel.’” 

  
  
  


It’s the third time today that the girls are singing what they’ve decided is “Patience’s theme song,” which is just the theme to “That’s So Raven” but they substitute in her name instead. 

“That’s so Patience—”

“It’s the future I can see.” 

“That’s soooo Patience.”

“It’s not mysterious to me-e-e, yeah…” Claire, Kaia and Alex all point to Patience, who is  _ just _ trying to eat her toast in peace, for Christ’s sake. 

After it’s clear they’re not going to leave, Patience rolls her eyes and says, “Yep, that’s me,” eliciting cheers from her very annoying family. “Screw you, screw you and screw you.” 

“You can say the fuck word, you know,” Claire says. 

  
  
  


The stack of “Supernatural” books at Goodwill is the ammunition Patience has been needing. She brings it home and excitedly shows Kaia and Alex her find— battered, well-worn paperbacks chock full of lines like “Dean’s chiseled jawline was a study in light and shadows” and “Castiel’s ruffled hair gave him the appearance he had just rolled out of bed, though you wouldn’t find the angel sleeping or making love.” 

“Dude, she’s in this one,” Kaia says. “‘Dean watched as Claire swung her minigolf putter. As he studied her furrowed brows and clenched jaw, he could not help but realize how much of himself he saw in the driven young woman.’”

“Driven young woman,” Alex repeats, snorting. “The only time she’s ‘driven’ is when she’s drunk and I’ve ‘driven’ her to get McDonald’s in the middle of the night.” 

“‘A blonde beauty, but with molten fire in her heart—’ what the fuck is ‘molten fire’ supposed to be?” Kaia says, squinting at the text. “This Carver Edlund guy is a hack.” 

“They’re probably all written by a bunch of different ghostwriters anyway,” Patience says. “Oh my God, this one has like a whole page describing Dean having sex with some Amazon lady. We should do a dramatic reading of this for Claire.” 

  
  
  


While the books are good, the true treasure trove comes when Kaia thinks to look up fanfiction of the series. And there’s a lot of it. 

“Oh, this is some fucked up shit,” Kaia says elegantly. She’s browsing on her laptop while Patience reads on the other end of the couch. “There’s a  _ lot _ of Winchester-on-Winchester action.”

“Gross.” 

“Mm-hm,” Kaia agrees. “Okay, I’m not gonna lie though. Calling it ‘Wincest’... kind of a clever name.”

“ _ Gross _ .” 

“I can’t decide if that would be more fun to torment Claire with or if the Destiel stuff would be more fun,” Kaia says. “On the one hand. Dean and Sam are like her family. But Castiel is like. A matryoshka doll of the guy who’s  _ like _ her dad inside her actual biological dad. Which is also kind of fucked up.” 

“It’s all… screwed up,” Patience says. “I mean, people are reading about their  _ lives _ and thinking it’s all fiction. I’m just glad I’m not in them.” 

“Same,” Kaia says. “Although I do feel like I should inform you that people ship your grandma with Sam and Dean’s mom.”

Patience shrugs. “I’ll take it.” 

“I wonder who I’d get shipped with,” Kaia wonders aloud. “If I were in the books, I mean. Like, do you think people would see me and be like, ‘Oh, she and so-and-so would be really cute together.’ You know?” 

Patience stares at her. “Honey,” she says. “Darling. My dearest and most precious Kaia. Are you being serious right now.”

“What?” 

“You and Claire aren’t uh. You aren’t exactly subtle?” Patience says. “So I’d say ‘Claia’ would be the big ship there. Kaire? Claia. Clairekaia. Kaiaclaire.”

Kaia slams her laptop closed, looking embarrassed. “C’mon. No, that’s like… That’s not a thing. Come on.” 

“So you don’t have a massive crush on her?” 

Kaia scowls. “No fair. You’re psychic.” 

“Not like I need ESP to see you playing with Claire’s hair and saying it’s sooo pretty. At the breakfast table.” Patience rolls her eyes. “Not gonna lie, I kinda thought you two were already dating and just being quiet about it.”

“Well, we aren’t.”

“Yeah, I should’ve known, neither of you is ever quiet about anything.”

“Just…” Kaia groans and drags her hands through her hair. “She probably doesn’t even like me like that.” 

Patience bursts out laughing. “Sorry, sorry, um. Kaia. Darling. You’re lucky you were trapped in Jurassic Hell for a year— sorry, not lucky, that came out wrong— because Alex and I were here watching Claire act like a widow.”

“She— what?”

“Uh-huh,” Patience says. “She used to lie on the floor of her room just listening to ‘Wuthering Heights’ by Kate Bush on repeat. It was very sad. Kind of annoying. But mostly sad.” 

“That… that doesn’t mean anything.” 

“Okay, okay, listen,” Patience says, rolling over so she can face Kaia directly. “You want a fanfiction? Here it is: girl meets girl. Girl likes girl. Girl loses girl to a scary dinosaur dimension. Girl pines for girl. Girl gets girl back and then dances around her feelings for two months while other girl watches the drama unfold with mounting irritation.” She smiles. “I’m the other girl.”

“Yeah, I got that.” 

“You should talk to her,” Patience concludes, flopping back on her end of the couch and returning to her “Supernatural” book. (In this one, Sam switches bodies with a gluten-intolerant teenager.) 

  
  


Kaia does talk to Claire, finally. Patience doesn’t bother to hide her smile when she sees them holding hands at breakfast the next morning. (Jody seems relieved, too, but she also pulls the girls aside for a talk about PDAs and STIs and TMI. In the adjoining room, Patience and Alex pretend not to eavesdrop, drinking in the drama as they struggle not to laugh.) 

  
  


Next family game night, Alex comes home from work with McDonald’s for everyone and the Cards Against Humanity Pride Pack she ordered. Patience gets a chance to play the card “A Subaru” while Claire’s the judge, and the round devolves into everyone teasing Claire (with love) for driving a Subaru. 

“She listens to girl in red too,” Kaia reveals, cackling when Claire whines at that.

“No I don’t that’s a lie,” Claire snaps. “I listen to Joan Jett. I’m cool. I’m not like other girls.” 

“But you do like other girls,” Alex points out.

“I don’t have to sit here and listen to homophobia in my own home.” 

“I bought you your corporate pride shit,” Alex says, tapping the cards in her hand. “I think I should get to be a little homophobic. As a treat.” 

“You used up your homophobia card when you used up the hot water this morning,” Kaia says. “Which inconvenienced me, which makes it homophobic. You’re done with homophobia for the month.” 

“Can I be homophobic?” Patience asks. Claire blows a straw wrapper in her face. 

**Author's Note:**

> Me watching gen z on tiktok: Ahh, this is how the youths talk.


End file.
